Archive for the Category » Self Esteem «

Sunday, April 18th, 2010 | Author:
Don't control you emotions

Don't control you emotions

In Part 1 of the “Do NOT Control Your Emotions” series we discussed the critical need to leave your emotions fully connected because they serve as your instrument panel on the journey of life.

In Part 2 of the “Do NOT Control Your Emotions” series, we discussed how in order to conduct yourself as a productive member of a civil society without controlling your emotions, the key is to use your emotions to direct your actions while staying calm and in control during flight.

And now in Part 3, we continue with how to use your emotions to change your life.

There a challenging difference between mechanical instruments on vehicles and the instrumentation that comes installed on people.  The mechanical instruments are well documented with known tolerances and an assurance of accuracy, while our emotions sometimes appear wildly inaccurate (almost to the point of seeming random at times) and there is no owner’s manual to refer to that can explain what a particular emotion means.  And no two people work exactly the same so you can’t even borrow someone else’s manual.

But this doesn’t mean that you should ignore or disconnect your emotions.  Rather, it means that you should work to learn what they mean and how accurate they are (documenting your findings for future reference).  Then you can use that knowledge to both improve the accuracy of what they are telling you and also to sharpen your “piloting skills” based on this improved visibility into yourself and your environment.

If you work to understand, improve, and master the use of your emotions you will develop a big advantage in the emotional dogfight called life.  It will be like bringing night vision goggles on patrol in a remote village. You will have developed the advantage of seeing into the blackness of night which others find impenetrable.

So moving from the conceptual to the practical, your goal is to learn to understand your emotions and what they are telling you about yourself, about your world, and about the real world around you, and then to use them to evolve your world so that your emotions and feelings can accurately and reliably guide your actions.

In order to develop accurate, reliable emotions, you have to methodically evaluate the accuracy and validity of your emotional readings.  When you encounter less than perfect emotional readings, then you undertake to reconcile your emotional reading with reality, and then train a more accurate response into your emotions.

This may sound incredibly complicated, but it is actually something that that you learn step-by-step, focusing on one relatively simple task at a time. In more or less the same way that a martial arts student advances through several belt levels to become a black belt, you can advance step by step, one skill at a time, to become an emotional black belt.

The ultimate goal of a pilot is to connect as many high quality, accurate instruments that give meaningful input as possible.  The ultimate goal in life is to do the same with your emotions.  By connecting several properly functioning emotional instruments, you will have be able to pilot your life towards the goals that really matter to you the most, and you will be able to maintain nice smooth flight conditions along the way.

The 52 Week Program focuses on building the skills needed to fine tune your emotional indicators for accuracy and to master their use to achieve happiness and success in life.

Don’t forget to join our mailing list to stay updated on new articles, and with news about the development and availability of the 52 Week Program.

Monday, February 15th, 2010 | Author:
When your day has gone astray, don't give yourself flack, get it back on track

When your day has gone astray,
don't give yourself flack, get it back on track

Everybody has an unproductive day once in a while, sometimes for the most trivial reasons.  Maybe you couldn’t stop thinking about what your friend said about you or maybe you just didn’t feel like getting out of bed. A single unproductive day occasionally may not bother you much, and it may even be the break you need to recharge and refocus.

But a series of unproductive days could really put you back on your schedule, make you feel stressed out, and even affect your self esteem. But be it a single unproductive day or a series of them; if you want to move forward, you need to treat the wasted day like you would treat an expired carton of milk. Throw it away and move on and use the next one wisely.  This day is gone but how can you counter the ramifications?

Triage the loss before it’s final

Usually, you see a lost day coming.  You realize you won’t be able to get done what you wanted to get done.  Decide early what things you can let go, and what things are critical.  Try to juggle in some less critical things that you also enjoy doing and see if they’ll fit in instead.  If you don’t feel like working on the car, painting the house, finishing your cousin’s wedding album that to promised to do… maybe take the time with your spouse and kids and fit in a surprise outing together.  This may be just the break you need, and it can also buy you time tomorrow to get back to what you need to do.

You have to realize that “me days” are not wasted!

Everyone needs days for themselves.  Everyone needs days they can spend doing nothing.  Everyone needs time to disengage, let the mind run free, or even not run at all.  So don’t be afraid to give yourself a day from time to time.

Get over it

Before you do anything else, get over it!  First off, if it was just a single lost day and you enjoyed it and relaxed, then stop thinking about the day as being wasted.

It’s a better idea to simply let the day go rather than waste more time moping about the unproductive day. Stuff happens! It’s all right, you can power through this.

And if it was a day of dealing with outside stuff that popped up, then realize that most of that stuff had to be dealt with eventually.  Getting it dealt with now could just give you a sense of relief rather than a sense of loss.  You just have to see it from the right point of view.

Where did I go wrong?

Often asking questions of yourself is the best way to figure out where you’ve messed up.

Being bold enough to ask yourself where you went wrong in the first place is the starting point to combating the effects of an unproductive day.  Retrace your steps and try to figure out what factors led to you being unproductive.  Could it be a series of unproductive phone calls or web chats?  Or was it some silly thought that buzzed in your head the entire day?  Think about each factor and make a note of it.  Don’t overlook the trivial ones too: bad lunch, tickle in the throat, sight of neighbor’s annoying dog etc.

Things to NOT do

Instead of focusing on what you should be doing, focus on what you shout not be doing first.  Often, you focus too much on what to do and in the process you might tense up with anxiety, procrastinate and end up feeling quite miserable and emotionally worn out.

Think about the things that you simply must not do; like wallow in bed long after you wake up or drink too much the night before a busy day or chat online late into the night and end up drinking a six-pack of Red Bull to pull you through the day.  Once you eliminate the strict no-no’s you wouldn’t have a similar situation in the future.

Urgent/important

An easy way to get back on track is by segregating things into what’s urgent and what’s important.  When your phone rings it’s urgent since you need to pick it up before it gets disconnected.  But if it’s your friend who just called up for the heck of it, it’s not important just urgent.  You can always talk for a bit and then hang up saying that you’ve got something important to do.  Focus on what’s important rather than what’s urgent.

Make up for the backlog piecemeal

So you had an unproductive day or a series of them and you’ve accumulated some backlog.  The only way to deal with the backlog is piecemeal.  Break down your work over the week or the next couple of weeks, and tackle one thing at a time.  Don’t look at the whole list and get discouraged.  Only think about the task you are doing.

You might choose to work a little longer each day but it won’t stress you or bother you since you are choosing to work in order to accomplish each task.

Or you might choose to dedicate an entire day, and work long to knock off the list.  Just remember that it’s one task at a time.  If the tasks are errands, you may need to plan them so you can chain them together into a series, but you are still doing only one task at a time.  But if you choose to make it up in a hard day… make sure you plan for the downtime you’ll need to recharge afterwards.

Be a success junkie

Instead of getting addicted to the adrenaline rush from procrastination, get addicted to the feel-good effect of success in even the smallest of challenges.  If you’ve got ten reports to do, break it down and enjoy the success you get from completing each one.  As you wade through all your work, the feelings of accomplishment only increase.  If you enjoy the feeling of success from mini challenges, you won’t be motivated to procrastinate or let your day go by unproductively.

Also, it helps a lot if when you get 9 of those 10 reports completed, that you can feel 9 small successes and 1 small failure (I do hope you did the most important reports first, right?) rather than feeling 1 big failure.

While you may have your occasional wasted day, don’t let it bog you down with negativity. Tackle it practically rather than letting it get to your emotions. By tackling unproductive days with days of continuing productivity, you end up being more productive overall and increase your satisfaction and morale in the process.

Monday, January 25th, 2010 | Author:
Enjoy the Journey

Enjoy the Journey

It doesn’t matter who you are, how popular or how hated, how rich or how poor, ultimately, every single night of your life, there is only one person you have to sleep with. You.

Your spouse can send you to the couch or kick you to the curb, but only you can make peace with yourself.

The road through life is long, if you’re lucky that is. And if you’re not so lucky and life turns out to be short, then all the more reason not to waste a single moment regretting the past or fearing the future. On any long journey there will be ups and there will be downs. Some days seem perfect, and others are disasters. But no matter how your day goes, when the dust settles and you’re alone with only your thoughts in the still of the night, are you at peace?

If not, then you are neglecting the most important relationship in your life. If you can’t find peace with yourself, then you will not likely find peace with anyone. Sure, there will be those who are peaceful with you… but you know in your heart that they only make peace because they are pacifists. So you discount them, you don’t respect them, and their peace, being a product or their weakness and not of your merit, means little to you.

So then, are you happy to be you? Would you truly be a different person? Are you happy with your life?

Here’s a secret: if you are satisfied with your life, satisfied with who you are and where you are going, then you don’t have to get to where you strive to be to enjoy life.

And here’s an even bigger secret: Only you can let yourself be happy. Only you can let yourself enjoy life. Unless you are jailed for a crime you didn’t commit, and really even then too, so I guess that means there really are no excuses at all. Only you have the choice to enjoy yourself. Nobody can make that choice for you, and nobody can take it away from you. They can try, oh how you can bet they’ll try. Some people will do anything and everything in their power to make you miserable. But ultimately, they can only make you miserable if you let them.

So what’s the point? The point is simple. If you haven’t yet been able to get right with yourself, now is the time to step up and do it. And if you find yourself at peace with who you are, then it’s time to take back your own happiness, your own satisfaction, your own pleasure on this long road that you travel.

It’s time for you to go in peace. It’s time for us all to go in peace.