Archive for the Category » Stress and Anger Management «

Sunday, April 18th, 2010 | Author:
Don't control you emotions

Don't control you emotions

In Part 1 of the “Do NOT Control Your Emotions” series we discussed the critical need to leave your emotions fully connected because they serve as your instrument panel on the journey of life.

In Part 2 of the “Do NOT Control Your Emotions” series, we discussed how in order to conduct yourself as a productive member of a civil society without controlling your emotions, the key is to use your emotions to direct your actions while staying calm and in control during flight.

And now in Part 3, we continue with how to use your emotions to change your life.

There a challenging difference between mechanical instruments on vehicles and the instrumentation that comes installed on people.  The mechanical instruments are well documented with known tolerances and an assurance of accuracy, while our emotions sometimes appear wildly inaccurate (almost to the point of seeming random at times) and there is no owner’s manual to refer to that can explain what a particular emotion means.  And no two people work exactly the same so you can’t even borrow someone else’s manual.

But this doesn’t mean that you should ignore or disconnect your emotions.  Rather, it means that you should work to learn what they mean and how accurate they are (documenting your findings for future reference).  Then you can use that knowledge to both improve the accuracy of what they are telling you and also to sharpen your “piloting skills” based on this improved visibility into yourself and your environment.

If you work to understand, improve, and master the use of your emotions you will develop a big advantage in the emotional dogfight called life.  It will be like bringing night vision goggles on patrol in a remote village. You will have developed the advantage of seeing into the blackness of night which others find impenetrable.

So moving from the conceptual to the practical, your goal is to learn to understand your emotions and what they are telling you about yourself, about your world, and about the real world around you, and then to use them to evolve your world so that your emotions and feelings can accurately and reliably guide your actions.

In order to develop accurate, reliable emotions, you have to methodically evaluate the accuracy and validity of your emotional readings.  When you encounter less than perfect emotional readings, then you undertake to reconcile your emotional reading with reality, and then train a more accurate response into your emotions.

This may sound incredibly complicated, but it is actually something that that you learn step-by-step, focusing on one relatively simple task at a time. In more or less the same way that a martial arts student advances through several belt levels to become a black belt, you can advance step by step, one skill at a time, to become an emotional black belt.

The ultimate goal of a pilot is to connect as many high quality, accurate instruments that give meaningful input as possible.  The ultimate goal in life is to do the same with your emotions.  By connecting several properly functioning emotional instruments, you will have be able to pilot your life towards the goals that really matter to you the most, and you will be able to maintain nice smooth flight conditions along the way.

The 52 Week Program focuses on building the skills needed to fine tune your emotional indicators for accuracy and to master their use to achieve happiness and success in life.

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Thursday, December 31st, 2009 | Author:
Don't get mad!

Don't get mad!

Are there times when you have actually felt like ripping a person’s throat out?

You can almost feel the blood leaking out her throat and that contemplation itself can be infinitely calming to you and your indignant psyche!

Forget the thought that it’s a crime, and you could be arrested and you could lose everything that you have ever worked for…but the sheer visualization of that vengeance on that particularly infuriating person can be infinitely soothing to the mind!

Did you notice something here?

We all get angry and we all think about getting revenge on that bleepity bleeping bleep… but very few of us actually act on the impulses that arise from anger. Of course, you might go home and bang around a few doors and attack a few pots, and shout at the family but rest assured that most of us do not spend our days actively planning revenge and vengeance on those people who annoy us on a daily basis! So what makes you and me different from the average psychopath and what holds us back?

Let’s find out why you get angry-

It’s easy to see that you will bump against a lot of people who will aggravate you day in and day out. And when you cannot deal with the frustrations and irritations of day to day life, you resort to anger which is nothing but your body’s defense reaction causing it to push away that irritating person or situation. You tend to lash out against anyone and everyone who will aggravate you. But this is not the only reaction that you will notice. For some reason, angry people tend to get in to fights more commonly. You would think that people would realize that you are upset and leave you alone but the exact opposite happens with you getting into more fights and verbal or even physical arguments with spouses and strangers alike.

Can you control it?

Yes you can and you should. Anger can be destructive and it can be wonderfully cleansing at the same time. Accept the fact that you can control neither the person in front driving you insane, nor can you change the situation that you are in at present. But you can step aside and let your mind take a closer look at what is causing you so much pain. Try to separate out the physical reactions of soaring blood pressure, and flushed skin and a roaring heart beat from emotional feelings of powerful guilt, feelings of failure and disappointment, rage, murder and suicide. It’s not easy, we know that but what you will eventually notice is that anger is not wrong; and neither is an angry person bad at heart. It’s just that most people let their emotions overwhelm their thoughts to a degree that you cannot differentiate thought from emotion. Judgment gets impaired and you spend the rest of your life inconsolable and vowing revenge for something that you do not even remember.

Is this situation worth wasting so much of your precious life for? Think about it and just let it go. You will get multiples joys along your life; this angry situation is just not worth it!

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009 | Author:
Holiday Stress Buster

Holiday Stress Buster

The holiday season is nearly upon us, ultimately the holidays are supposed to be a joyous time to spend with family and friends. What the means to most of us is expectation. Expectations that are places on us by ourselves and others. Expectations about our time, our money and to some degree our sanity.

The holidays tends to lend themselves to us stretching ourselves too thin, between a multitude of events and people. Stretching our dollars and time as far as they will go also, most times further than they can go. With mounting bills that we know will arrive in the new year and lack of sleep it’s no wonder that depression rats and the sickness rates rise over the holidays.

Ideally in this season we take extra time for ourselves, bubble baths, massage appointments, making sure that we eat healthy and get in enough exercise but that is setting the bar even higher. Even though yoga is a natural stress buster, the last thing we need to do is add another commitment, something to feel guilty about not being able to fit into our schedules.

Try this easy stress Buster. Next time the stress levels sky rocket – just breath & be present in the moment:

1.) Stop what you are doing

2.) Take a nice big breath in- feeling the breath travel all the way down to our toes

3.) Clear all thoughts from our minds

4.) Exhale

After this grounding breath you should feel more present and a little more relaxes to carry on with all the festivities.

This article by Gaylene Thoeny, a 500hr Registered Yoga Teacher, yogi and mom. Go to for more information. Gaylene specializes in yoga and lifestyle management. Creating a grounded life on and off the mat.

By Gaylene Thoeny

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